The NFL's All Orange Jumpsuit Team
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the weekend! It is Friday night and the feelings right! Everybody getting ready for a fun filled, action packed weekend? I sure hope so. We look to be getting a healthy does of rain this Saturday in the Northeast, but I am letting that get me down. Speaking of having fun, have you ever been at a party and someone is clearly having too much fun. Like way more fun than everyone else there and you are pretty sure that was not by accident. By the end of the party that guy has puke crusted on the bottom of his shirt (if he is still wearing one), may be missing a shoe and probably lost some combination of keys/wallet/cell phone/sanity/girlfriend. We have all seen it happen, heck maybe one time that person was you! No bigs though right it's not like you ended up in jail or anything…or maybe you did, I don't know.
Well, having fun is pretty much the name of the game when you are a professional athlete. You workout, practice, play in billion dollar stadiums and get paid nicely. Pretty sweet! But just like us simpletons, professional athletes have a little too much fun sometimes. This has been a bit of a hot topic lately with the recent big name NFL players getting arrested, arraigned whatever. So I thought to myself, what if we HAD to make an All-Star team comprised of only players and former players who served time in an orange jumpsuit…the answer is you bet your buns we could. Sure, I thought…there are the notables but not enough to get a team together and where would I be able to get enough guys (let's just say we throw 11 guys together, they will play offense and defense)? I don't remember every story about NFL players going to jail…so it makes things tougher but let's give it a go shall we.
1. Jamal Lewis (RB) - Lewis was arrested and convicting of using a cell phone to facilitate a drug deal. I think it's funny in this day and age that they clarify that he used a cell phone as opposed to say a hand written note on personalized stationery. Lewis was an awesome running back for the Ravens mostly, some other stops were in there as well. He once ran for 295 yards in a game breaking the record of 278 set by Corey Dillon.
2. Nate Newton (G) - Big Nate Newton was pinched for drug trafficking in 2001 after the police found a very small amount of marijuana in his car after a traffic stop. That small amount was 213 pounds worth, that's a grown man in pot form. That's a lot! Nate was a 6 time Pro-Bowler and 2 time Super Bowl champion with the Dallas Cowboys dynasty from the 1990's. He served 2 years of a 7.5 year sentence and is now presumably just chillin'…probably.
3. Art Schlichter (QB) - Art who? Who the f$&!* is Art Schlichter? Ha, you wish you knew! I didn't know until I came across him doing some Googling and man was I impressed. So here's the deal on ol' Artie. He was a former fourth overall draft pick out of Ohio State in 1982 and essentially was a dud. He holds a career 3-11 NFL record and threw for just over 1,000 yards…not that great, Drew Brees threw for 5000+ last season. However, he was a beast in the arena league in the early 1990's and was the MVP of the league in 1990. He makes this list because clearly he can chuck the pigskin and seems to have had quite the gambling problem. Losing dough to every bookie in town and then the associated stuff that goes along with getting mixed up in that life. He claims to have swindled and gambled away over $1.5 million over the years and got caught for fraud and theft. Ouch. He is currently serving a 10 year sentence.
4. Leonard Little (DE) - Little Lenny Little (6'3", 267 pounds) was a Pro Bowler and Super Bowl Champion with the St. Louis Rams in the early 2000's…the period I like to call the Kurt "Flirt" Warner Era. Lenny was partying waaaaaay too much, got behind the wheel of a car and killed someone. It's commonly referred to as vehicular homicide but he only got involuntary manslaughter…got a three month sentence. Seems about right. You kill someone and go away for three months. Blame it on the booze it seems.
5. Ryan Leaf (QB, a bad one) - Mister Leaf was an incredibly highly touted college quarterback. He was a number 2 selection overall out of Washington State. That was about the highlight of his NFL career. He was terrible, granted so were the San Diego Chargers at the time, but man was he bad. His quarterback rating was 50 (bad) and his TD to INT ratio was 14:36 (bad). To make matters worse, he was arrested after his career a few times for burglary, theft and drug possession. He is currently serving out a 7 year sentence for a guilty plea/plea bargain type thing.
6. Dave Meggett (RB, WR, KR, PR) - I HAD to add Davey Boy Meggett to this list. He was a fixture of the 1990's New York Giants lineup. He was one of the "Parcells boys" and man could he do it all. He could run, pass, catch, return…you name it and he did it…along with criminal misconduct of the sexual nature and burglary which netted him 30 years in state lock up! Good work Dave.
7. Sam "Thundering" Hurd (WR) - Dallas Cowboys/Chicago Bears wide out Sammie Hurd was a speedster with great hands and on turf the saying goes, speed kills. In real life, cocaine does too. Hurd was arrested for conspiracy to possess cocaine and marijuana with the intent to distribute. Sounds like a very convoluted way of saying that he called his buddy, asked him for a ton of drugs and was then going to sell them to his buddies…presumably around the NFL. Weird…that probably never happens, oh wait.
8. Orenthal J. Simpson (RB) - It's been long enough in this thing to have not mentioned OJ by now, but honestly I was kinda saving him until just about the end. OJ Simpson was an amazing running back for the Buffalo Billsin the 1960's and 70's. His achievements on the field are remarkable and it is no wonder why he in the NFL Hall of Fame in Canton, OH. His off of the field activities are just as legendary. The Juice was beloved by the American public and even had a few acting roles after his playing days were over. And then…and then, he alledgedly killed his wife and her lover in cold blood. All good according to the jury, he was set free, free as a bird now…then he got whoppered in the civil case by the lover's parents. No dough and down on his luck he broke into a hotel room being occupied by a sports collectibles enthusiast. He then stole items from said enthusiast that he felt belonged to him. He was arrested and is now in jail for that crime. Karma can be a killer sometimes...
10. Lawrence Phillips (RB) - Larry Phil gets almost top billing here because he combines some seriously violent behavior and being a disaster of a draft bust. He was taken 6th overall and in defense of the Rams, he was awesome in college. He was a big bruiser but unfortunately for him it just never really clicked at the top level and he was basically out of the NFL in a few years. He went abroad and played well in Europe. Speaking of abroad, he got into trouble with the law for punching his girlfriend…that's pretty bad. BUT even better he got arrested and sentenced to 31 years for driving his car into a group of teenagers, on purpose. That's pretty messed up, I mean seriously? That is why he was picked number 10! - You see this photo and think, man life is annoying...
11. Plaxico Burress/Michael Vick - (WR/QB) - Yes, I get it I have too many WRs and QBs, well just get over it. Those are the interesting players. No one give a poop about the linebackers who actually kill people (allegedly but then find Jesus and it's all cool...Ray Lewis, I gotcha bro'). But this twosome is coming into training camp as a tandem. It's either both or none. One shot himself in the leg in an NYC club trying to conceal a gun in sweatpants...sweatpants! The other served time for fighting dogs against each other. A horrible thing but a crime I think not. It's brutal and terrible but does a man really need to go to jail for a long time (longer than many rapists and child molesters for this crime)? Either way I saved these two for the man, THAT SUCKS play. I love ya both but man, you gotta be better than that. That's just dumb...silent b.
Honorable mention - L to the Tizzle
HAPPY WATCHING!!
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