Get Wifey Off Your Back, It's Only Monday!!

Happy Monday!  My most recent post Saturday afternoon extolled the awesomeness of all that was across the sports universe, especially in college football, MLB, NFL and NHL.  Well, when the dust settled late Sunday night, it was an up and down weekend.  Royals rolled again with a late rally in the top of the ninth to take a 2-0 lead on the O Birds.  The Jets did what they do, which is nothing exciting and even when it gets mildly exciting (making a late 4th quarter drive to tie the game) they find away to throw the game away.  Smith hit the other team with a sick pass that went for 6 points the other way.  At least it wasn't a blow out but it feels bad all the same.  The Rangers got smacked up 6-3 by the Toronto Maple Leafs who are now hang out enjoying Canadian Thanksgiving (get your own holidays!)  Did not make for very good sports TV around the NYC Metro area but the Dallas-Seattle game was a nice one for the national viewers.

You Think Your Wife is Always On YOUR Back?!

All that being said the HIGHLIGHT of the sporting world this weekend was the 2014 North American Wife Carrying Championships held Saturday at Sunday River, Maine.  You would think they would hold them on a Sunday at Sunday River, but whatever.  The rules of the competition are fairly simple - teams of one man and one woman where the woman is carried in some fashion compete in head to head heats to eventually get to the final head to head race.  The 275 yard course includes raised log obstacles, changes in elevation (try running up or downhill with your wife on your back) and what is termed "The Widow Maker" a stretch of waist deep water that essentially turns to a murky mash after competitors start running through it.  

Why do they call it The Widow Maker, you ask?  It's just a dude carrying his lady through waist deep water…sort of like in a romantic comedy starring whoever where the guy valiantly carries his honey to safety and then they make out on the shore of this body of water.  Well, this one is a little different because the male participant typically carries his female counterpart using the sport standard "Estonian carry".  What the heck is the Estonian carry?  Glad you asked!  It's where the "lady" wraps her legs around her partners head and clasps her arms around his waist.  Sounds pretty sexy right?  A whole lot of body contact for an obstacle course…well not exactly.  Picture the hold being an inverted piggyback ride where the woman's head is where her feet would usually be located.  Now image when she is dragged through waist deep (his waist, not hers) and you can see why if the man is not careful to keep his woman's head above the muck he could be looking at a long solo ride home (unless they win of course).  

There are a few other incredibly awesome perks to winning this coveted championship.  First, the winners receive the woman's weight in beer, 5 times her weight in cash and an entry into the World Championships held each year in Finland (where the sport is purported to have originated).  Adding another lay of beauty to the competition - your team's performance (lighter is better) and reward (heavier is better - more beer and dough) all come down to the weight of your wife.  I don't know about you guys, but this is not a conversation that I want to have with me wife heading into this competition.  Maybe this weekend the wife and I will give this a try, probably skipping The Widow Maker.

Enjoy your Monday!!

HAPPY WATCHING!!

Sometimes You Make Your Own Luck (in your brain)

1 In A Row?  Try 15 In A Row!!

Welcome to Hump Day everyone, and I really do hope that the first half of the week has brought you some joy, but it probably has not brought you as much joy (at least monetarily as the pro gambler known as Rex), as winning $57,935 off of a $5 parlay bet on the NFL's week 3 games.  So essentially for those of you out there who are not privy to how this sort of thing works, I will as they say 'splain it to you (well maybe only Rosie Perez says that) - a parlay bet is essentially where you put down a small amount of money $2, $5, $10, etc and take advantage of the odds on the odds so to speak of getting multiple games wagered on correctly.  So if you wager $2 on three games, picking 1 underdog and 2 favorites you greatly increase your payout by adding this 1 game to your parlay.  It's kinda weird to think about it from a higher level view because with a spread you really can't view any team as an underdog, at least not from the Vegas lines perspective.  Ideally, the spreads are put in place to level out the two teams and make it a fair fight.  It's kinda like in Rocky when Thunderlips (Hulk Hogan) fights Rocky Balboa in a charity wrestling match…Rocky (a boxer) takes on Thunderlips (a wrestler) in a charity wrestling match in which Rocky is greatly out sized but through the context of a charity event you would think they could level the playing field so to speak and half-box, half-wrestle…not the case.  The lines created by Vegas are there to fool you, and fool you they shall. **editor's note - unless this is the first Eli Manning Giants Super Bowl win where all of the spreads were against them even though you knew they were going to win…right?**

If you do not get the referenced album cover shown above I can't help you, I didn't say that I wouldn't help I just said that I can't help you.  Anyway, so basically this guy only known to us as Rex, not the Sexy Rexy of the New York Jets (shown at the top of the post) has banked over $57K from putting a Lincoln and correctly selecting all 15 games from Sunday and Monday is pretty tough with the spread but even harder STRAIGHT UP.  That means you pick every game's winners without the spread, no half points, no oh man my team is getting 3 points…blah, blah, blah.  What this means is that you pick the team who you think/feel in your bones is going to win that game for 15 games.  Sound easy right?  Give it a go this weekend.  Any inside tips you let me know, first before the spread moves!  wink wink

HAPPY WATCHING!!!

Fantasy Vs. Reality Deciphered (Well, Football At Least)

Fantasy Vs. Reality Deciphered (Well, Football At Least)

With the proliferation of the Internet and the deluge of information that has come with having a connected device within arms reach at all times we sometimes have a difficult time differentiating what's actually going on in the world and what is merely conjecture or completely made up.  We (most humans) typically try to find a balance between the two (fantasy and reality).  We read newspapers, watch the evening news while at the same time Marvel's movies (Disney's latest talent grab) are raking in the dough at record pace and showing no signs of slowing down…unless they make another Daredevil movie (Sorry Affleck, but that was misery…not miserable…just plain misery).  

This divergence is probably never viewed more clearly than through the lens of fantasy sports, more specifically fantasy football.  We draft players from the NFL universe, strategically reviewing their statistics over the past few years (averages 98 yards rushing per game), building projections (player X is 26 years old and may have a huge breakout season…finally!), analyzing bye weeks (can't have half of your guys out week 6 or you're toast), comparing their strengths to that of their opponents (run first v. run stopping defenses) and a myriad of other factors.  Our teams become essentially more important than our local/favorite real team in the NFL.  Realistically speaking about our fantasy team (can you realistically talk about fantasy?) they mean more to us because we feel like we actually put more into how they were constructed than the local team.  I am a Jets fan (yes, I know…we all make bad decisions) and I have 0.0% of an impact on how this team develops talent, drafts new players and draws big names through free agency.  I love the Jets and I'd like to think that every time they play, they actually care about me watching them on my television at home (wishful thinking, dare I say fanciful thinking…), but when it comes to my fantasy football team I really do not care about what they think of me watching them play on Thursday, Sunday or Monday (and those weirdo Saturday games late in the season).  They are pieces to a puzzle that hopefully wins me a few bucks and bragging rights in the various leagues and groups I compete in.  Player gets hurt, guy goes to jail, beats up a security guard at a club, shoots himself in the leg in a club (it happens), punches out his boo in a casino elevator or the always fun week 5 drug charge that lingers for the rest of the season - you know who you are.  BUT at the end of the day, they are just pieces to the puzzle.  After all (and one of the best parts of fantasy versus reality football) is that you are only in the position you are because you drafted these guys.  Some brain damaged General Manager did not blow the last 4 drafts on kickers and special teams specialists…oh no…this one is on you pal.  For some people that is too much to handle and they shut down and lock themselves in the fantasy cocoon of self denial.

This was just a long winded way of saying that for the first time in a pretty long time, I really have zero fantasy weight on my mind while I settle in for tonight's Jets-Bears game.  I never draft Jets (so I am good there) and I am having a really rough week and pretty much have no hope of winning either of my fantasy leagues regardless of what my players do tonight.  It's pretty liberating (I actually typoed there and wrote liverating)  New word - LIVERATING - the process of punishing my liver while watching sports televised or otherwise.  Like drinking St. Ide's Special Brew while watching intramural volleyball (you know who you are).  Anyway, basically the internal battle for me between putting my favorite team over my potentially money making fantasy team is peacefully on hold for tonight's game.  This does not however mean that there will be anything peaceful about the way in which this game plays out, but still…at least I have some modicum of peace, somewhere.  It's all about perspective...

HAPPY WATCHING!!

Tony Stewart Kills a Dude & Other Stuff

Tony Stewart Kills a Dude & Other Stuff

Welcome back from the weekend everybody!!  Apologies for the delay (missed Monday, but I was swamped after a very enjoyable weekend), but what can you do?  I mean really, want can you do?  Not much…

Anyways, let's jump right in here.  Raise your hand if you saw the clips of Tony Stewart run over a dude (Kevin Ward Jr.) from Saturday night.  Now, raise your hand if you think he ran him over on purpose.  I watched the clip a few times and as other drivers are flying by Ward (who by the way, got out of his car after a dust up and was walking around on the dirt track) it looked pretty suspicious when Stewart's dirt buggy comes smashing into Ward leaving him with fatal injuries.  I don't know what will become of Tony Stewart after this move but it does seem like he has some anger issues especially on the race track.  I really do not watch a lot of NASCAR (I just don't find it all that interesting), but from the highlights I have seen on SportsCenter and the like there are scuffles all the time.  I am not saying that Stewart intentionally hit Ward but watching the other cars dodge the human target and then Stewart a highly accomplished driver mows him down…something just seems fishy.  The local police has yet to charge Stewart with any wrongdoing, but they are continuing to investigate the situation.  How do you feel about it all?

Rapid Fire Sports Catch Up

I am throwing a new little segment to hit the main stories in the world of sports without inundating you with tons of words…Ah, I hate words…dumb!!

+  Former NBA #1 overall draft pick Greg "Old Man" Oden charged with felony level battery for punching out his girlfriend…ouchie

+  Rory McIlroy wins the PGA Championship win dramatic fashion on Sunday.  Watch out Tiger & Nicklaus…he's coming for you!  Oh and it was RAINY!!

+  Spanish international super star soccer player David Silva resigns with Manchester City…He is good and as a Man U fan I don't like this one bit…not one bit

+  Arsenal whips the butts of Man City at the Community Shield on Sunday (3-0)…It's kinda the start to the English soccer season…EPL this Saturday!!  Very excited for this to get started, missing soccer since the WC ended about a month ago!

That's all for now my friends!

Happy Watching!!

Dickey In A Box, BBW Pajama Party, Eaton Disorder & Other Hilarious Fantasy Baseball Names (Part 1)

As the line goes, "what's in a name?"

When it comes to the realm of fantasy sports sometimes it's not whether you win or lose, it's how you've named your team. Obviously it's much better when you're winning but not everyone gets to win, but if you lose with a solid and funny fantasy team name you at least get a laugh every time you log in and at the very least you get your team name worked into blogs like mine and maybe, just maybe if you have a good commissioner he/she gives you credit for it when writing his weekly/monthly wrap ups.

I am breaking this segment down into two parts.  The first part is me putting out some of my own originals and a few Internet sources with tons of clever (and not so clever) fantasy baseball team names.  What I want is to get some feedback from anyone who reads this post on which names they think are the craftiest and I will use it next season for one of my closely followed, hotly contested money leagues!

Here is what I have used in the past - 

• The Kim Jung Il-est (after now deceased North Korean dictator, pictured above)  I used the picture of him from Team America - World Police as my team logo (also very important)
• Robotic Greatness (team logo was Bender from Futurama)
• BBW Pajama Party because how many great photos of plus-sized women in their pajamas are on the Internet?  The answer:  a lot
• Rounding Terd I figured why not get a poop joke in there without having Yahoo! suspend my account, and they can too...jerks.  Team logo a base with some mud on it (thanks Internet)
• Albino Squirrel we at least one running around the RPI campus and I play in a league with guys mostly from RPI, and the team logo is a creepy looking all white squirrel - Take that my week 17 opponent!!

• Jersey City Mayo Mafia (actually for fantasy football but doesn't matter) This came out of a work lunch order where I added mayonnaise to a sandwich with Italian deli meats.  I was hounded/belittled for it for a few weeks.  I still don't get it, but it was from mostly Italians...so I guess they know best how to coats their meats.

Here are some pretty funny references with other names like Dickey in a Box (SNL reference to R.A. Dickey) and Puigs in a Blanket (Yasiel Puig reference and a hot dog reference, pretty sweet) - 

• http://www.fantasybaseballnames.com/
• http://theframjak.hubpages.com/hub/fun-fantasy-baseball-team-name
• https://www.fanduel.com/insider/2013/01/28/30-funny-fantasy-baseball-team-names-for-2013/

Enjoy the links, laugh at work today and think of something creative (doesn't really have to be baseball related)  and comment back with your favorites!  I'll grab one and make it my own for next season.

Have a great Thursday!

Happy Watching!

-Shaun

I Don't Like The Redskins, Maybe This Guy Likes Them Too Much...

For the record, I am sure that Charlie White (Washington Redskins fan) is a very nice man (I of course do not know this to be certain), but in my little world he is probably just an obsessive fan looking to connect with his favorite team.  But does tattooing the names of 22 other dudes on your arm(s) really make you a better fan?  Do you really feel more connected to them because they signed your flesh and now Snake or Jesse or Larry at the corner tattoo parlor has inked them into permanency on your body?  Does any of this sound like a god idea?  No, no it doesn't...and here's why - 

If you take any Super Bowl winning team over the last few years (and there have been some great ones) do you really want the 19th best player or 21st best player on the (starting squad in July) tattooed on your body?  Let's cut to the scene at work, bar, family picnic or local convenience store...dialog ensues - 

Charlie White (CW) - Hey man, you see that sick end to the 'Skins game last night?
Anyone on Earth (AOE) - Yeah that was pretty nice how RG III tossed found DeSean in the corner of the endzone on that fade route.
CW - Yeah, well you didn't see it as well as I did because I got DJ and RG III's names tattooed on my arm!! What, what!!!
AOE - No I am pretty sure my television set was showing the game as clearly as your's was.  In fact do you have HD or are rocking the tube TV?
CW - Whoa, slow down my friend.  I got HD, you don't even know about!  Jackson and RG III for life son!  You don't even know!!
AOE - Nope, I do know.  Congrats on the HD TV and wait who else is tattooed on your arms?  What the heck is that scramble on your upper arm?  Kory who?
CW - That's Kory Lichtensteiger.  If you can't keep it real, then you can't wear that burgundy uni!
AOE - I don't think it's a uniform if it's not worn by a player...I think at that point it's just a shirt.
CW - Whatever dude, that just how I roll.  It's all or nothing!  I don't care, I just gotta do me.
AOE - But it's only July.  What if PLAYER XYZ (won't name any players for fear of giving anyone bad juju) gets hurt and he never plays for the Redskins this season?
CW - This conversation is over.  I'm done man.  

It's funny because I think most of us (myself way, way included) get kind of caught up in this fandom with jerseys, soaring ticket prices, who we root for and for some people it's almost as important to determine who we hate and root against at all costs.  You hear it all the time with people fighting in the stands and parking lots and essentially driving people away from the games in general.  Honestly, what's worth more to you?  Go to the game, listen to the drunk fan behind you for 3 hours or watch it on the couch and have a full fridge of beer and snacks and a clean working toilet within 30 feet?  I am not advocating for people not going to games, because seeing games in the stadium live is magical, it really is.  All I am saying is that maybe, just maybe (thanks Louis C.K.) we take it one to maybe two notches down on the craziness scale when we watch sports.  Just enjoy yourself....and don't tattoo random dudes names on your arm.  Buy a t-shirt, drink a beer, eat a hot dog and have a good time.  

For further reading - http://espn.go.com/nfl/story/_/id/11272853/washington-redskins-fan-wants-tattoos-all-22-starters-signatures (Thanks ESPN.com)

Let's end this weekend like we started it.  Like a bunch of bosses just running out the clock in the 4th quarter up 15 points....waiting to claim our prize.  Monday awaits.

ALSO!!! - We are heading into the fantasy sports sweet spot.  Fantasy Baseball playoffs and Fantasy Football drafts.  If anyone out there has something to throw out for tips, trade offers, questions or just a funny story about playing fantasy sports, I would love to hear it.  Let's see what you have to offer!

Happy watching!
-Shaun

Most Boring Day in Sports (at night)..in a while

Good evening/morning - depending on when you are reading this!  

I hope all of you are having a great week so far and that you are coping with WC withdrawal better than I am, which I am sure that you all are.  At this point, the only thing that I hated about the WC was that Suarez did not get a stiffer penalty for his third (third!!!) biting incident and now will be making more money than probably this audience combined over the next 6-9 months.  Justice?  Bleh, there is no justice in this world!

That being said, let's roll into Friday on a high note.  And by a high note, I mean that it couldn't get any lower tonight as far as the sports world goes.  Rachel and I were out for dinner with Scott, Jess, Kristin and that Ryan character who ended up walking away tonight with the winnings from the WC pool.  Which by the way, if you haven't paid me yet...please do so.  It gets itchy paying someone out when I am short someone's entry fee.  Not hating, just hasty.  All good.

Ok, getting back to the lowness of tonight's sports offering.  

1.  Baseball - All Star break...still (they come back tomorrow)

2.  ESPYs I think that was yesterday or Tuesday or Monday...don't care and don't want to care LBJ and Tony Hawk are probably still winning awards, makes no sense.  I am sure Samuel L. Jackson loves that piece because they bring him out every year to announce some award.  (Good for him, bad/indifferent for me).

3.  LBJ, 'Melo and the rest of the gang of NBA FAs have pretty much saddled up with their new overlords so there really isn't much going on from that front.

4.  The British Open, which I love (super challenging golf course that makes the best of pros seem semi-vulnerable) was played way earlier in the day....  Tigre looks good with an opening round 69 and McIlroy (yes ladies the guy who broke off his engagement after...AFTER they sent out the wedding invites) is leading with a 66.  It's fine, move on he won't be there at the end - in my opinion.  

So, you're like OK cool great bullet points jerk, so what?  I will tell you what.  The sports night was so slow that when out at dinner the tvs by the bar were playing a CFL game.  For those of you not hip to the game north of the border, the CFL stands for Canadian Football League.  The field is measured in meters as opposed to yards, the referees wear plaid jerseys and the mounted police patrol the stands handing out candy to good fans. I mean come on!  The CFL on ESPN!!! Where are we? Canada?  Bleh, this was a tough one to watch.  If I were entertaining a guest from out of town and the best we had to show on ESPN was the CFL, I think I would have just gone home and had Doug Flutie show my distant cousin around town.  

I know, it happens...we all slip from time to time, but did it really get that bad?  Bring back baseball, heck I will watch darts or bowling on TV - I've done it before and I'll do it again.

OK, enjoy your Thursday night and your Friday.  Baseball is back and it's glorious.  It's no WC but comparing everything to the WC is like comparing every other sandwich to the best grilled cheese sandwich you've ever had.  You're not going out there and saying that the grilled cheese sandwich is the best sandwich you've ever had but when you compare it to the rest of the sandwiches you've have in the past you can't say that it's not one of the best sandwiches you've eaten.

Welcome to Grilled Cheese Sports!

Happy Watching my friends,

Shaun

http://grilledcheesesports.blogspot.com