FREE BILL SIMMONS!!

FREE BILL SIMMONS!!  FREE BILL SIMMONS!!!

Bill Simmons is an annoying Masshole sports commentator who primarily focuses on the hottest story of the day and pontificates on TV, Internet and the like.  He loves the Red Sox and the Patriots, but all in all he actually does a great job of providing some really solid insight into issues that come across the sports world.  If you have not heard of him before he is the editor in chief of Grantland (http://grantland.com)  and he is a long time contributor to ESPN.com and various shows on the network.  

Despite all of his fandom shortcomings, he is actually a very decent writer and a pretty solid sports commentator.  Do I agree with all of his views - NO.  Do I think that's kinda the point of sports commentary - YES.  

In the world we live in where everyone and anyone can throw stuff out into the giant hole known as the Internet (or as I like to call it at times - Innernet) - Yes, grilled cheese sports included - is it really fair to suspend a writer for 3 weeks because we don't like what he said (in writing or on the air)?  Is Roger Goodell a liar as Simmons states?  You bet your buns he is.  Is Goodell trying to play this whole Ray Rice, Adrian Peterson, (insert abusive football player) saga like he never knew how bad this whole thing was and then pretending that the media made him out to be a monster?  Again we don't have proof and that's where Bill gets in trouble.  You can't make a claim about someone in the media and present it as fact without proof.  I can say Roger Goodell is pretty much probably lying about what he knew when he knew in the Ray Rice case.  See how I did that there?  Subtle nuance...

Happy Friday my friends.  Less hating, more love...also side note - less punching - Weekend is almost here.

Also! Congrats G-Men, you actually looked like a football team last night.  Also, Derek Jeter has rabies.  Everyone needs to get knocked down a peg.  But seriously, congrats Jeter - 20 years as a Yankee is very, very impressive.

HAPPY WATCHING!!!

Sometimes You Make Your Own Luck (in your brain)

1 In A Row?  Try 15 In A Row!!

Welcome to Hump Day everyone, and I really do hope that the first half of the week has brought you some joy, but it probably has not brought you as much joy (at least monetarily as the pro gambler known as Rex), as winning $57,935 off of a $5 parlay bet on the NFL's week 3 games.  So essentially for those of you out there who are not privy to how this sort of thing works, I will as they say 'splain it to you (well maybe only Rosie Perez says that) - a parlay bet is essentially where you put down a small amount of money $2, $5, $10, etc and take advantage of the odds on the odds so to speak of getting multiple games wagered on correctly.  So if you wager $2 on three games, picking 1 underdog and 2 favorites you greatly increase your payout by adding this 1 game to your parlay.  It's kinda weird to think about it from a higher level view because with a spread you really can't view any team as an underdog, at least not from the Vegas lines perspective.  Ideally, the spreads are put in place to level out the two teams and make it a fair fight.  It's kinda like in Rocky when Thunderlips (Hulk Hogan) fights Rocky Balboa in a charity wrestling match…Rocky (a boxer) takes on Thunderlips (a wrestler) in a charity wrestling match in which Rocky is greatly out sized but through the context of a charity event you would think they could level the playing field so to speak and half-box, half-wrestle…not the case.  The lines created by Vegas are there to fool you, and fool you they shall. **editor's note - unless this is the first Eli Manning Giants Super Bowl win where all of the spreads were against them even though you knew they were going to win…right?**

If you do not get the referenced album cover shown above I can't help you, I didn't say that I wouldn't help I just said that I can't help you.  Anyway, so basically this guy only known to us as Rex, not the Sexy Rexy of the New York Jets (shown at the top of the post) has banked over $57K from putting a Lincoln and correctly selecting all 15 games from Sunday and Monday is pretty tough with the spread but even harder STRAIGHT UP.  That means you pick every game's winners without the spread, no half points, no oh man my team is getting 3 points…blah, blah, blah.  What this means is that you pick the team who you think/feel in your bones is going to win that game for 15 games.  Sound easy right?  Give it a go this weekend.  Any inside tips you let me know, first before the spread moves!  wink wink

HAPPY WATCHING!!!

Fantasy Vs. Reality Deciphered (Well, Football At Least)

Fantasy Vs. Reality Deciphered (Well, Football At Least)

With the proliferation of the Internet and the deluge of information that has come with having a connected device within arms reach at all times we sometimes have a difficult time differentiating what's actually going on in the world and what is merely conjecture or completely made up.  We (most humans) typically try to find a balance between the two (fantasy and reality).  We read newspapers, watch the evening news while at the same time Marvel's movies (Disney's latest talent grab) are raking in the dough at record pace and showing no signs of slowing down…unless they make another Daredevil movie (Sorry Affleck, but that was misery…not miserable…just plain misery).  

This divergence is probably never viewed more clearly than through the lens of fantasy sports, more specifically fantasy football.  We draft players from the NFL universe, strategically reviewing their statistics over the past few years (averages 98 yards rushing per game), building projections (player X is 26 years old and may have a huge breakout season…finally!), analyzing bye weeks (can't have half of your guys out week 6 or you're toast), comparing their strengths to that of their opponents (run first v. run stopping defenses) and a myriad of other factors.  Our teams become essentially more important than our local/favorite real team in the NFL.  Realistically speaking about our fantasy team (can you realistically talk about fantasy?) they mean more to us because we feel like we actually put more into how they were constructed than the local team.  I am a Jets fan (yes, I know…we all make bad decisions) and I have 0.0% of an impact on how this team develops talent, drafts new players and draws big names through free agency.  I love the Jets and I'd like to think that every time they play, they actually care about me watching them on my television at home (wishful thinking, dare I say fanciful thinking…), but when it comes to my fantasy football team I really do not care about what they think of me watching them play on Thursday, Sunday or Monday (and those weirdo Saturday games late in the season).  They are pieces to a puzzle that hopefully wins me a few bucks and bragging rights in the various leagues and groups I compete in.  Player gets hurt, guy goes to jail, beats up a security guard at a club, shoots himself in the leg in a club (it happens), punches out his boo in a casino elevator or the always fun week 5 drug charge that lingers for the rest of the season - you know who you are.  BUT at the end of the day, they are just pieces to the puzzle.  After all (and one of the best parts of fantasy versus reality football) is that you are only in the position you are because you drafted these guys.  Some brain damaged General Manager did not blow the last 4 drafts on kickers and special teams specialists…oh no…this one is on you pal.  For some people that is too much to handle and they shut down and lock themselves in the fantasy cocoon of self denial.

This was just a long winded way of saying that for the first time in a pretty long time, I really have zero fantasy weight on my mind while I settle in for tonight's Jets-Bears game.  I never draft Jets (so I am good there) and I am having a really rough week and pretty much have no hope of winning either of my fantasy leagues regardless of what my players do tonight.  It's pretty liberating (I actually typoed there and wrote liverating)  New word - LIVERATING - the process of punishing my liver while watching sports televised or otherwise.  Like drinking St. Ide's Special Brew while watching intramural volleyball (you know who you are).  Anyway, basically the internal battle for me between putting my favorite team over my potentially money making fantasy team is peacefully on hold for tonight's game.  This does not however mean that there will be anything peaceful about the way in which this game plays out, but still…at least I have some modicum of peace, somewhere.  It's all about perspective...

HAPPY WATCHING!!

Short Term Memory Loss & The NFL

Just 'Cause You Say It, Doesn't Mean It's Real

I think at this point we have all become familiar with the recent issues around the NFL.  There are certain players (Ray Rice (BAL Ravens) - Adrian Peterson (MIN Vikings)- Greg Hardy (CAR Panthers) - Ray McDonald (SF 49ers)) who clearly are in need of some serious punishment.  At one point I believed that (naively) the NFL was like most professional organizations and would decide that the greater good of the company was served by punishing those who posed a real threat to it's image.  The company that I work for refers to this "phenomena" as reputation damage and I gotta tell you, it does provide extra motivation to not screw things up.  At the end of the day you think to yourself, how do I best word this email and stuff like that to make sure that the company is best represented...Oh, wait!  At no point in time and I like which method of abusing my spouse or my child will bring the least amount of shame to my company/organization/family/soul.  Where have we gone wrong?

Are we putting too much emphasis on what these football players have done on the field and allowed it to cloud our judgement when they make mistakes off of field?  As a fan, I think that we are often predisposed to forgive on and off of the field transgressions.  I would like to think that the mistakes made by these players on the field are caused more by their lack of physical ability of either themselves or the players around them.  (Let's be honest, I have seen some really bad passes in the NFL lately and the receivers shouldn't shoulder all of the blame).  But when it comes to off of field issues, you really would be hard pressed to blame it on someone else.  I know that Adrian Peterson has pushed the whipping of his son off to his upbringing in 1980's Texas but does that really justify what he has done.  The photos speak for themselves.  What I find to be incredibly painful with the Peterson situation is that he lost one of his sons (2013, same year he also allegedly whipped another son, kids coming out from all corners of the 48 contiguous) from abuse from the boyfriend of his baby mama...granted Peterson only knew of the child's existence 6 weeks before the killing but that's what happens when you don't keep tabs on your babes.  I think there is a much larger issue at hand here with Peterson and it has been said that no one is talking about it.  Yes, the NFL is missing out on suspending him because he is one of the best players in the league but is that worth being in league with a child abuser?

The beauty of the photo above is that 45% of NFL viewers are females...yes guys we are only the slight majority over the femaninas....DAMN IT!!! - good look from my wife on the CoverGirl heads up!!

The take away from this is stop beating your wife or you kids.  It's really not that hard.  Sure they can annoying as anything at time but the main thing is to keep your head about things.  I mean is that the reason you get to play football and run over grown up adult men? Take your anger out on them and just let the women and children be.  It might be tough (for some of you) but at the end of the day you'll be happier with yourself..

ALSO (clockwise)

- Big Look To This Article -

++  Cowboys - zero playoff love the past decade and multiple offenders off the field.  Josh Brent killed his teammate Jerry Brown while boozin' and cruisin'.  No big deal 6 months in jail and he is back with America's team.

++  Pats...Spygate - not that bad but really bad form as far as the game goes.

++  San Fran 49ers - see above. Allegedly Ray McDonald punched out his fiancee. Nice.

++  Chicago Bears - I got nothing...

++  New York Giants - just like the Bears, a solid franchise that does shoot itself in the leg with it's own gun while wearing sweatpants.  Wait, where am I?  Whatever.

++  Baltimore Ravens - Ray Rice

++  Cincinnati Bengals -  home to the most convicted players at any one point in NFL history.  Marvin Lewis (Head Coach), I got nothing but love, but really CoverGirl?

++  Minnesota Vikings - We just talked about this.  Peterson.  Do we need to get back into this?

HAPPY WATCHING!!

Somali Pirates & Weekend Wackiness

Somali Pirates & Weekend Wackiness

Welcome to Monday!!  I hope that you are as excited as I am that the weekend has faded behind us and the work week lies ahead of us…waiting, watching like a Bengal tiger in the high grass hoping we are wandering around aimlessly so it can pounce on us and chew our faces off.  That what most weeks feel like, right?  Stupid tigers….Or maybe the weekdays are more like pesky Somali pirates - speed boats zipping around surrounding you with guns drawn, screaming who knows what about why they are trying to take your stuff before they hop on-board.  THEN, they take a few things and ransom you back to the local navy.  At least that's how I think it goes when you get hijacked by pirates.  Not as glorious as the pirates of yesteryear but I guess you take what you can get.  OK enough loathing the week that is only a day old…we'll be fine, probably. 

The weekends are never long enough, even the long ones are too short.  I think most of the world agrees that you try to relax a little, sleep a little, eat a little and drink a little and before you know - WHAM!  Sunday night at 10PM.  Like a stiff left hook that knocks you unconscious in an Atlantic City elevator (insert Ray Rice joke here or did I already?) you are wiped out and not ready for the week.  I think that A LOT of the sports world feels very similar…let's investigate shall we??

The leg pictured above belongs to the son of Adrian Peterson (superstar running back for them Minnesota Vikings).  Nope not the one that was assaulted by Addie's baby mama's daddy...no this one was beaten up by AP himself....with a tree branch.  Apparently this passes as normal discipline/abuse in the great state of Texas.  I for one completely understand the to keep kids in line.  If you do not learn right from wrong at an early age, you are very...very unlikely to learn it later on in life.  BUT does anyone think it necessary to beat a 4 year old with a thin branch (similar to a good ol' Singaporean caning) to teach him a lesson?  I think not.  The NFL is a joke.  Minnesota sat AP down for a week while he was indicted/making bail and now he is back at practice...no big deal.  I get innocent until proven guilty, but I feel like the photos make a pretty bold statement as to something might be wrong here.

The picture above is that of Jeremy Kerley making a great catch in the end zone as a result of a BEAUTIFUL pass from Geno Smith of the New York Jets.  It was/would have been a game tying TD reception (PAT pending) against the NFC beasts Green Bay Packers...instead...instead, offensive coach Marty Mornhinweg called a TO right before the snap (confirmed on replay) and the play was called back.  Oddly enough, according to NFL rules (not that they give a flying fart about those lately) only the head coach can call for a time out or a player on the field, like the QB doing the whole play clock winding down TO type thing.  At the end of the day, as a Jets fan...it's ultimately the Jets just being the Jets.  It stinks but that's just how they roll.  Maybe it makes it that much better when they finally stop doing/losing because of stuff like this...maybe, just maybe.

Grilled Cheese Sports Quick Hits

++  We beat Serbia for FIBA Gold 129-92 (that's basketball, in case you weren't sure)  Is this really even fun anymore?  Just letting you know...that's what I do.

++  Redskins quarter back Robert Griffin III injures (dislocates) his ankle, likely done for a long time…if not the rest of the season.  Ladies and gentlemen - welcome to the Kirk Cousins Show!!  That's not a bad thing really if you're a Redskins fan.  Cuz is actually pretty legitimate, he has seen this movie before and I am sure will be completely cool in this role.  What actually sucks more for the 'Skins is that newly acquired Dee-Shawn Jackson was also hobbled on Sunday. 

++  Alex Torres (relief pitcher for the San Diego Padres) wears this gigantic hat and now it's going to Cooperstown!  The MLB Hall of Fame decided that this massive hat was groundbreaking and worthy of at least being worked into a showcase of new items at the BHoF.  Congrats Alex, your hat looks ridiculous, but now you'll be in the Hall of Fame, well your hat will be at least.  More than I can say for any of my hats, most of them have sweat rings and are of the blue and orange variety...but at least we have a no hitter.  Sorry Dads, pitcher's ballpark, you should have one by now.

++  Speaking of hats, is this the most original/bad ass college football helmet around? - NAVY  The logo is awesome and the gold stripe is right in line with their colors, awesome.

Maybe we all need to get back to business...seems like we are falling apart at the seems in the sports world.  Rewind, start over and see how that works.

HAPPY WATCHING!!

Ray Rice Debacle Gets Deep & Fun Stuff

Oh Ray & A Lot More!!

Yeah Ray, we get it!  Ok, that was a cheap shot...wait so was that?  I'm done.  Here we go!  

To take a David Chappelle line and bend it to my own needs - "What can be said about Ray Rice that hasn't already been said about Afghanistan?"  Ray Rice has been bombed out, depleted and left for dead in the middle of a field of blood thirsty ninjas whose only job it is to claim the souls of their enemies to increase their power.  I am not going to go too far into the Ray Rice thing because it has been covered by everyone from Oprah to Opie and Anthony, Rush Limbaugh to David Letterman, Howard Stern to Stewart Scott.  It's one of those stories that people love to read and then I think kinda get tired of.  

Today it was announced that the folks over at EA Sports will be wiping Rice from the recently released Madden 2015 game.  That really means nothing to anyone in my opinion.  Isn't he suspended anyway?  Could you really use him?  Isn't he a free agent right now?  What position would he play?  In other corporate news, the Baltimore Raves are offering a Rice Swap.  You can trade in your Baltimore Ray Rice jersey and get a brand new legends of the field and court room Ray Lewis jersey.  See how I just did that there?  The double standard (read some here)

BUT!  What I am really looking forward to is what Rutgers University - Ray's alma mater is going to do with their stadium and surrounding campus.  Rice was the big man on campus during and after his fantastic career there.  He led the program to relevancy after decades of less than mediocre play.  This situation is kinda like the Penn State University/Joe Paterno thing from a few years back after it came out that he turned a blind eye on that whole Jerry Sandusky molester situation.  Oddly enough...Saturday's home game is in New Brunswick against Penn State to open up Rutgers' first game in the Big 10 (which now has 14 teams, dumb).  It will be interesting indeed.  So there you have it, the Ray Rice sitch has a lot of semi-off the radar things going on around it.

Fins Beat Pats

(above is an old photo of the two teams but it sums up Sunday's game quite well)

Pats were leading 20-10 at half time, couldn't score in the second half and gave up 23 unanswered points.  That's pretty much it.  I am moving on.

Grilled Cheese Round Up

++  Eli was Eli Manning Monday night...the Eli from 2013, not the one from 2011.  This could get ugly fast as Giants Nation gets antsy and eventually calls for Coach Tom Coughlin's job and probably a host of other unreasonable demands.  Sports radio the first week of October could golden...don't touch that dial!!

++  Steelers wide out Antonio Brown tries to take a punt return to the house but there was a pesky punter in his way.  Solution??  Front Ninja Kick to the face mask...didn't work.  Did get slapped with a 15 yard penalty for unnecessary roughness.

++  The US Open finals over the weekend were a complete snooze fest.  Serena Williams beat Caroline Wozniacki 6-3 6-3 bleh.  On the mens side Marin Cilic beat Kei Nishikori 6-3 6-3 6-3, again bleh.  Apparently no one watched and ticket prices being scalped on StubHub were the lowest for a US Open Finals in a loooong time.  Even they don't look stoked - 

++  OK one last thing - baseball is still going.  If you have the chance to tune in over the next few weeks, try to watch Clayton Kershaw pitch.  He pitches for the LA Dodgers.  His stat line is phenomenal and it's a really enjoyable watch.  Just catch like 2 innings...I am sure he will be on the ESPN Sunday night game at some point.  The Dodgers are rolling so you can probably catch him in the playoffs...I recommend it...highly.  

-->  18 wins, 3 losses, 210 strikeouts in 177 innings, 6 complete games, 1.67 ERA and 0.82 WHIP...and he missed a month with a back injury.  SICK!

HAPPY WATCHING!!

Dear Santa...

...I would like enough wins to make the playoffs

Today is the beginning of something beautiful or something horrible.  With baseball there is something to the saying that hope springs eternal.  It's not yet quite summer, but you're looking forward to something nicer than winter.  Everything at least for a while seems pretty great.  Fresh cut grass, steroids and baseball...what's better than that?  I'll tell you what - the first day of football.  It's still warm, getting cooler but completely warm enough.  There's wind and grey skies and it's just great.  The thing is...at some point it all turns on you and it's the third quarter and you're like what the F just happened.  The skies get grey-er and then the days get shorter...nights get colder...feelin' like life is over (NaS reference, it's about time).  

I don't know where this is from or really what it is, but there you have it.  A guy with a jet pack delivering pizzas.  Makes perfect sense if you think about it...no actually don't.  BUT then J-E-T-S Jets! Jets! Jets!

Does anyone know how the NFL season will play out?  Nope, if they think they do they are full of bologna.  But it's fun to listen to then try.  Watch football and enjoy your Sunday! We just need 10 wins...10 wins...

Happy Watching!!

Football is HERE!!! Let's All Rejoice!!

I LOVE IT!!!

It's Thursday night and the feeling's right!  Right for football season 2014 to begin!  In Seattle tonight, the Green Bay Packers make the trip to Seattle in what very well could end up being an NFC playoff match up come winter.  Aaron Rodgers returns from last year's injury shortened season with a solid array of options to put up big numbers (good for fantasy owners).  Russell Wilson kicks of the season tonight with a brand new, big ol' fatty of a Super Bowl on his ring finger from that blow out win this past February.  Riding high with a stout defense, a running back who's known for BEAST MODE and the loudest home crowd in the NFL the Seahawks look like the odds on favorites to get back to the Super Bowl.

Wes Welker Caught in the Club!!! (SORTA)

Yesterday news hit the wire that Wes Welker (starting wide receiver for the Denver Broncos) tested positive for amphetamines which are banned by the Goodell Mafia.  Welker denied every knowingly taking anything from the banned substances list.  Then later that morning some "unnamed source" that works in, for or around the NFL claimed that they also found other compounds in the sample which lead them to believe he was taking Moly or some form of Ecstasy.  They pinpointed this event to be around the time of the Kentucky Derby this past May.  How they do that, I don't know.  Science probably, maybe it's bull…who knows.  Welker replied with stating that maybe someone put something in his drink while partying at the Kentucky Derby.  This is completely possible, it does happen…in clubs when you put your drink on the bar to pick up your glow sticks that slipped out of your hands and rolled under the velvet sofa you were sitting/laying on.  Welker will be back for week 6.

US Basketball Looking For - (Pictured above are Ukrainian women in the Army)

Today we (the United States) played Ukraine in basketball.  We have now played Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic and Ukraine in the past week or so…Shouldn't we play some of the other bigger/better teams.  At this point we have played 2 Caribbean teams the size of Connecticut and 1 team who's country is at war with one of the world's super powers…they might be distracted.

It's football day today but this tackle is legit!! 

Watch Or Get Laughed At!!

++  US Open
++  Baseball is everywhere
++  Video of Madden glitch causing tiny linebacker (Christian Kirksey) - Madden 15 Gaff!
++  College Football can be found everyday from here until Saturday
++  FOOTBALL!!  In case you did not read the first part

Keep it Real!

Happy Watching!!

What's Up Fall?!! - No More White Pants, Summer's Over!

Watch Out!!!

Hear that?  If you hold your head higher and cup your hand around your ear you can hear that fall is coming…fast!!  Baby time is over...less warm days and sandy toes, more work and getting in there.  Fall is coming!!

Football is starting on Thursday - Green Bay Packers vs. Seattle Seahawks.  Two very good NFC teams square off in what could be a preview of a playoff match up, blah, blah, blah…

How was everyone's Labor Day weekend?  Good?  Nice, mine was good too.  Let's get down to business -

We have a ton to cover so let's get bulleted…FAST!

++  J.J. Watt signed a massive deal with the Houston Texans…a massive deal - even for football…known for it's fake big deals (TO, Chad Ochocinco, etc) where the numbers look huge and then they cut you after 2 years.  This one has a sick amount of guaranteed dough to the tune of six years $100 million.  A quick 30 piece of that is locked in…put it in the bank.  This is one of those deals for a team with zero offense (at least in 2013) you might as well lock in the best defensive players you can, right?  He also gets another $21 million if he is on the roster at the start of 2016, which shouldn't be too hard.  Unless we get invaded by aliens…not ruling it out, but unlikely.

++  As mentioned above the NFL season starts Thursday.  Get physical.

++  The US Open is still movin' and shakin' in Queens (note butt shot above is from Wimbledon).  Martina Hingis is playing doubles (thought she was teaching yoga to dogs in Switzerland) and my main man Roger Federer is still taking care of business. I will be watching tonight/doing a fantasy football draft…if you need advice just ask.

++  Jim Irsay (pictured above & owner of the Indianapolis Colts) gets suspended for 6 games and fined half a million dollars for downing a ton of painkillers and driving around town.  I am completely down with the half a million buck fine, but what does suspending him for 6 games accomplish?  He isn't a coach or a player…if he wants to see how things are going he just pulls up ESPN.com on his iPhone and finds out.  PLUS!  He owns the team!  This is kinda like that whole Sterling/Clippers thing…he OWNS IT!  How do you say to the guy who owns the company, sorry pal you have to stay away for a month and a half?  Is it your dough on the line?  Do you have a vested interest in t-shirt sales Mr. Goodell?  I think not! Editor's note: try not to get arrested wearing that shirt...ever.

++  Kevin Durant signs $300 million (yes, that's with a million) dollar deal with Nike.  Under Armour made a bid to snatch Durant from The Swoosh but the Swoosh was not having any of that…Better luck next time UA.

++  We beat New Zealand (That's a kiwi pictured above..look it up) in basketball by 27 points. Yep, I didn't care that much either.  :)

++  This annoying Redskins name change debate is painfully dragging itself out.  Is there nothing else to talk about in the Washington sports scene?  Oh wait…the Orioles are killing it and are primed for a nice playoff run, can we focus on that for a day or two?  Does Adam Jones seem to be impressed by this Redskins thing?  No, he doesn't...

Happy Watching!!!